Rethinking Masturbation and the Practice of Self-Pleasure
“Let’s talk about sex, baby…”
You remember the song.
We grew up surrounded by narratives about sex—but rarely invited into conscious conversations about it.
So let’s talk about the thing most men do but rarely reflect on:
Self-pleasure.
For many men—myself included—it’s been a quick fix.
A release.
A way to blow off steam, escape, numb out, or fall asleep.
No big deal… right?
Here’s what I didn’t realize for years:
The way you relate to your body reflects the way you relate to your power.
And most of us were never taught how to do that with awareness.
We were conditioned to rush.
To hide.
To disconnect.
To get in, get off, and move on.
But beneath that habit, there’s something deeper waiting.
The Word Itself Carries Weight
The word masturbation comes from Latin roots: manus (hand) and stuprare (to defile or dishonor).
Embedded in the language is the idea that your pleasure is something dirty. Something to hide.
No wonder so many men carry a subtle sense of shame—even when no one is watching.
That shame isn’t yours.
It’s inherited. Conditioned.
And it can be unlearned.
Friction vs. Fire
Most men experience self-pleasure like this:
Fast and goal-driven
Disconnected from breath and body
Used to escape stress or emotion
Habitual and unconscious
But there’s another way.
Self-pleasure as a practice:
Slowed down and intentional
Connected to breath and sensation
Rooted in presence and awareness
An act of self-respect and sovereignty
One is friction.
The other is fire.
And that fire isn’t just sexual.
It’s your life force.
Your clarity.
Your capacity to lead, feel, and love.
The Shadow You Avoid Is the Door
If you slow down, something happens.
You begin to feel what you’ve been avoiding.
Grief.
Rage.
Loneliness.
Emptiness.
This is where most men check out.
But this is also where your power lives.
When you stay with it—without escaping—you begin to reclaim parts of yourself that were never meant to be numbed out.
Eros and the Masculine Archetypes
This work isn’t just personal—it’s archetypal.
The Lover teaches you to feel deeply and stay present
The Warrior brings discipline and restraint
The Magician gives you awareness and choice
The King holds it all with integrity and leadership
When you bring this awareness into self-pleasure, something shifts.
You’re no longer indulging.
You’re practicing.
This Isn’t About Orgasm
Pleasure isn’t the goal.
Connection is.
Connection to:
Your breath
Your body
Your truth
Your emotions
This is a path—not a hack.
And it’s not meant to be walked alone.
Men transform in spaces where they are seen, challenged, and held.
A Simple Practice to Begin
Next time you feel the urge, pause.
Ask yourself:
Why now?
Set a timer for 10 minutes:
No porn
No rushing
No goal of climax
Just breathe.
Touch.
Notice.
Pay attention to what arises.
Your body isn’t a machine.
It’s a messenger.
3 Questions to Sit With…
What kind of relationship do I want with my body?
Where am I using pleasure to numb instead of feel?
What would it look like to treat this as a practice, not a habit?
Final Word and Closing Notes
You weren’t made to chase unconscious pleasure.
You were made to feel.
To lead.
To embody.
Masturbation is common.
But conscious self-pleasure?
That’s a man’s practice.
And it begins with a single breath.
This isn’t about perfection. And it’s not about shame.
It’s about awareness.
For me, this has been a process of unlearning old patterns and reconnecting with my body in a more intentional way.
I don’t want unconscious habits shaping my intimacy, my relationships, or my leadership.
I’m committed to presence.
To wholeness.
To doing this work in real time.
If you are too—
You’re not alone.
Ready to take the next step in your growth? Join a Round Table Men's Group to build deep connections and level up your leadership, or dive into The Forge for tools, training, and support to become the man you’re meant to be. Start your journey today.
